'American Idol' Premiere: Philly Fans Audition, Stalk Paula, Impersonate Borat

Season Seven kicks off with good Grace Slick impressions, bad Borat impressions and one sure-fire winner.

Practice your seal clap and warm up your dialing fingers because "American Idol" is back! As the seemingly never-ending audition episodes continue to roll out, we'll help you make sense of all the Coca-Cola-sponsored insanity, breaking down all the noteworthy wannabes (both good and bad) into handy categories.

The first stop of Season Seven was the city of brotherly love. (Did Seacrest make that call?) Let's take a look at how the Philadelphia folks fared.

The Biggest Loser Challenge: Joey Catalano



With "Idol" going to head to head (or belly to belly?) with "The Biggest Loser" this year, was it irony or coincidence (or both!) that the first audition of the seventh season featured a feel-good story of a dude who had recently shed 200 pounds? This kind of random rival-reality-show-steals-another-show's-thunder incident hasn't been seen since "America's Next Top Model" had a "Project Runway"-esque challenge the same night Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn premiered their fourth season. Tonight "Idol" drank "The Biggest Loser" 's milkshake. "Idol" drank it up. Plus, the guy's last name is Catalano. If he ends up singing a 30 Seconds to Mars song during Hollywood week, my head might explode.

Best Eli Sunday Lookalike: Jonathan Baines



OK, OK. That's two "There Will Be Blood" references in one "Idol" recap. But admit it. Seventeen-year-old giant Baines had an uncanny resemblance to young actor Paul Dano. Judging from his audition, he had a nice enough voice too. Let's hope he doesn't end up a false prophet. Fun fact: A quick glance at Baines' MySpace page indicates that he, like Dano's "Blood"-y character, Eli Sunday, is really into Jesus.

The Haley Scarnato Trophy for Most Unexpected Yiddish: Alexis Cohen



Veterinary student Cohen could have picked up several awards tonight with her memorable audition. First, I was ready to bestow upon her the honor of Saddest "Cribs" Episode Ever, after seeing her "I live in a studio apartment with a menagerie and my mother" taped intro. Once she began singing, it was totally going to be Best Grace Slick Impression Ever. Then, when she flipped the eff out, it was going to be Best Grace Slick 1978 Meltdown in Germany Impression Ever. But as soon as I heard her utter the word chutzpah (even if it came out more like "chusspa"), I knew she'd end up with the Haley Scarnato trophy, which incidentally is made of cheese and sculpted to look like a pair of legs. I can't wait to see Cohen's Jefferson Starship collaboration during the finale. You just know that's coming.

Most Welcome Cameo from an "Office" Star: Benjamin Franklin



You totally saw him in one of the montages too, right? Sigh, when will the strike end?

Worst Borat Impression: Alaa "Yuka" Youakeem



This might have been funny if it was on last year's show. Nope, even last year, this guy's shtick would have felt old (but not as old as that lame "wax your chest and you can audition again" 24-year-old virgin). If "Idol" wants to continue making movie references, they need to cancel their Netflix account and start seeing flicks in the theater. I don't think I'll be able to stomach a "Juno" joke in Season 10.

The Jackpot: Angela Martin



Martin is literally everything I look for in an "Idol" contestant. First, she's an African-American female with a sick voice. Second, she has a rough backstory that makes her impossible to dislike (unless you heartless bastards hate handicapped children). Plus, she has a really supportive family, so supportive that during the celebratory commotion, they all toppled over like dominos. And last, one of said family members has an endlessly mockable name: Latrina. But seriously, unless she has a personality transplant during Hollywood week, I can't imagine Martin not making it to the final weeks of this season's competition.

The "No Wonder Taylor Got Dropped from His Record Label" Ribbon: Melanie Nyema



I was shocked that this shriek-y mess made it to Hollywood. Finding out that she used to sing backup for Taylor Hicks (you know, back in that two-minute window when he had a career) was the least surprising thing all night.

Most Likely to End Up Like Rudy Cardenas: Chris Watson



He's charming, he's handsome and he has a "great recording voice." But he also has the potential to be a lame-o with a target on his shirt. Exhibit A: the Uncle Kracker audition song.

The Nakia Claiborne "Please, God, Let Them Be a Good Singer" Plaque for Participation: Temptress Browne



Remember the heartbreaking Nakia, who last year, after being denied a golden ticket, broke down and uttered, "I'm tired of hearing 'no' "? Well, tonight we had an even more gut-wrenching "Idol" tryout, thanks to Temptress. The 16-year-old football player auditioned to help her morbidly obese mom, and producers milked the "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" storyline for all it was worth. Unfortunately, her desperate and tragic audition ended with some heavy-duty holy-crap-even-Simon's-consoling-her weeping. (On a side note, was anyone else totally shocked when Cowell admitted to being a sucker for animals? I just didn't expect the guy to be a pet owner.)

The Martik "Eccentric" Manoukian Original Composition Honorary Grammy: Paul Marturano and Milo Turk (tie)



Sure, we've all whipped up a celebrity-stalker tune at some point in our life. I wrote one for Uma Thurman in eighth grade. (Sample verse: "I loved you in 'Pulp Fiction' / I loved you in 'Jennifer Eight' / I love you very early / I love you very late!") But Paul's ode to all things Paula was just funny and clever enough to overshadow the fact that the guy was creepy as all hell. Meanwhile, Milo Turk's "No Sex Allowed" song was catchier than gonorrhea!

The Carmen Rasmussen Certificate (Written in Invisible Ink): Kristy Lee Cook



With an OK voice and a shocking lack of personality (not to mention a previous major-label deal with Arista Nashville), I worry that Kristy will quickly become the forgettable cutie of the season. Expect her to be back in her log cabin faster than you can say "Stephanie Edwards."

Most Likely to Have a Secret Porn Past: Brooke White



Come on. Did you buy that "I've never seen an R-rated movie in my life" crap for a second?

The Bo Bice "Where's the Orchestra?" Commemorative Plate: "American Idol"



With all the hubbub surrounding the news that "Idol" is now allowing contestants to audition with instruments, based on what we saw tonight, it looks like only one girl took them up on that offer. Did producers decide not to feature those auditions after some fans cried foul over the "unfair advantage"?

And more importantly, what do we think of Randy's facial hair?!

Spice Girls Sweeten Their Hits; Plus Magnetic Fields, John Legend, Eels And More, In New Releases

Also due Tuesday: Ringo Starr, Dirty on Purpose, Kottonmouth Kings, Raheem DeVaughn, Gamma Ray, Jon Foreman.

What looks to be the last slow Tuesday of the year for a long while in terms of new releases sees a medley of music-makers hitting stores: a sugary U.K. veteran pop squad; likely the only pianist who has collaborated with Snoop Dogg, Fort Minor and Tony Bennett; a synth-pop dude who spells his name "Stephin" instead of "Stephen"; the least-appreciated member of the four Beatles; a soulful crooner signed to Jive by none other than DJ Jazzy Jeff; and the frontman for a SoCal alterna-rock crew. We assume you'll be able to guess which is which ...

Spice Rack: Shouts of "Girl power!" were heard throughout Victoria's Secret stores in mid-November when the Spice Girls issued their Greatest Hits collection there, but now Mel B, Geri Halliwell and the rest of the gang are breaking out the previously exclusive set in retail stores nationwide. As promised, they're now rolling out two additional versions of the release, the standard edition of which has two newly recorded songs ("Headlines [Friendship Never Ends]" and "Voodoo"). The deluxe edition has a DVD with all the Girls' promo videos, while the gift-box version also contains a karaoke disc and friendship bracelet.

Return of the Piano Man: In case you didn't see John Legend on his recent Show Me Tour, there's a new CD immortalizing one of the gigs. The exclusive Target release has 19 songs by the singer/songwriter, including his covers of Beatles and Sly & the Family Stone covers, as well as newer cuts "Slow Dance" and "Where's the Love," which features a duet with Corinne Bailey Rae. The deluxe edition comes with a 30-minute DVD featuring more live-performance material, an interview and videos for "Show Me" and "Another Again."

Fields' Recordings: Magnetic Fields fans will want to gravitate to stores this week — the group's first new album in four years is dropping, even though it's been more or less on the down low. Stephin Merritt and company have come up with a new gimmick for Distortion, their eighth album: Per its title, every instrument, save the drums, was designed to blurt out feedback. "I don't know if anyone has done feedback piano before," Merritt said in a statement. The typically quiet act aimed for a noisier approach, á la Jesus and Mary Chain, on songs like "Zombie Boy," "The Nun's Litany" and "Too Drunk to Dream." Fans might also recognize a voice they heard on the Fields' 1999 classic, 69 Love Songs — Merritt's friend Shirley Simms is contributing background vocals again. Initial pressings of Distortion come with a bonus single: "The Man of a Million Faces," which Merritt wrote for NPR.

Slipping Out From The Archives: In case you didn't know already, the European eel uses the Earth's magnetic field for direction, which is cool if for no other reason than it allows us to shamelessly segue between Merritt's release and two from Mark Oliver Everett, another lo-fi singer/songwriter legend. Eels, Everett's project, are taking a look back with a two-pronged comp attack: Meet the Eels: Essential Eels Vol. 1, 1996-2006, a CD-plus-DVD set; and the equally self-explanatory Eels Useless Trinkets: B-Sides, Soundtracks, Rarities and Unreleased - 1996-2006, which comes in the form of two CDs and one DVD. The videos are actually reaching the DVD format for the first time ever, and fans will also drool over Everett's notes, which he scribed for every song.

Starr Power: In case you happened to be in Liverpool, England, on Saturday, you likely heard about hometown legend Ringo Starr performing to help kick off the city's Capital of Culture extravaganza. Well, he was also using that gig to fittingly launch Liverpool 8, his new studio album and first involving old buddy Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics. Starr co-wrote all 12 of the album's tracks with Stewart, who also lent his production skills. Songs include "Love Is," "It It's Love That You Want" and "Think About You," all of which could have passed for the titles of Beatles songs, if you ask us.

The Raheem DeVaughn Experience: Speaking of love, DeVaughn may be one of the more underrated R&B crooners out there, but he has two things working in his favor: He recently earned a Grammy nomination for Best Male R&B Vocal Performance for his song "Woman"; and his last album had a notable debut, at #46 on the Billboard albums chart. Now DeVaughn is chasing his first LP, 2005's The Love Experience, with Love Behind the Melody. Don't miss "Friday (Shut the Club Down)," "Four Letter Word" and "Marathon," which spots a guest spot by Floetry.

This week's top hitters may not be all that heavy, but some big names helped out with some of the other titles lurking in the ranks:

· Nelly Furtado's collaborations with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland have earned her Grammy nominations — and a win — over the past two years, and now someone else is looking to horn in on the action: none other than ... adult-contemporary legend Anne Murray! Shelby Lynne, Martina McBride and others also populate Murray's Duets: Friends & Legends album.

· Switchfoot allowed frontman Jon Foreman to take a break and drop the second in his seasonal EPs this week: Winter, which is coming out digitally as a standalone release. In retail stores, though, it's available as a two-disc set, along with Foreman's November EP, Fall.

· Members of Lamb of God, In Flames, Arch Enemy, Trivium, the Haunted and Children of Bodom help Annihilator bring the Metal on their latest disc.

· Animal Collective's Paw Tracks imprint is dishing up Black Habit, the new disc by New York's First Nation ... er Rings. The trio changed their name after one member left and Abby Portner, sister of Animal Collective member Dave Portner, took up the role.

· Band of Horses had guitarist Tyler Ramsey on tour with them late last year, but that still left time for him to slap together a solo disc. The plucker's A Long Dream About Swimming Across the Sea was produced by My Morning Jacket collaborator Danny Kadar.

· Velvet Revolver and Slayer collaborator Josh Abraham originally recorded Egypt Central's self-titled debut two years ago, but now the effort from the Memphis heavy-rockers is finally hitting stores after undergoing a bit of an overhaul.

· Brooklyn, New York, shoegazers Dirty on Purpose chalk up a cover of Real Life's "Send Me an Angel" from for their new EP, "Like Bees." Doesn't get any gnarlier than that.

Song Title of the Week:

"If You Can't Be Good, Be Gone" from The SteelDrivers

Album Cover of the Week:

Rings' Black Habit

Other Notables:

Charlie Nothing's 40 Years of the Ding: A Charlie Nothing Anthology

In 2003, Minneapolis label De Stijl partnered with Sub Pop for the excavation of the Michael Yonkers Band's Microminiature Love, which was recorded 35 years earlier. Now, after teaming for a handful of additional releases, the labels have assembled this collection, which culls the psychedelic musician's long-lost recordings for Takoma, a label run by steel-string pioneer John Fahey, plus songs he made for private release — and some he even recorded while in jail.

Mike Ladd's Nostalgialator

The Afro-punk experimentalist is rubbing elbows with El-P, Aesop Rock, Cage and other underground hip-hop luminaries on Definitive Jux, the label that is re-releasing this 2004 effort, which was originally made available internationally on K7. The Boston native — who now calls Paris home — hooked up with New York producer Scotty Hard (Wu-Tang Clan, De La Soul) for the genre-busting release.

Paleo's "The Song Diary"

This is about as DIY as you can get: Unsigned songwriter David Strackany spent a year touring the country, living out of his van, and writing and posting a song every day on his Web site. Now he's put together a DVD encompassing all 365 tunes, with a list of the dates and cities in which he recorded them, as well as a limited-edition 470-page book of lyrics. Fittingly, there are only 365, hand-numbered copies of the latter.

New Releases:

· 46bliss - Wish Me Away (Pistachio)

· Annihilator - Metal (SPV)

· Bob Bruzman - Post-Industrial Blues (Ruf)

· Steve Bug - Fabric 37 (Fabric)

· Peter Daily - Who Is Peter Daily? (EP; Sideshow Media Group)

· Raheem DeVaughn - Love Behind the Melody (Jive)

· Dirty on Purpose - Like Bees (EP; North Street) [Buy Now]

· Egypt Central - Egypt Central (Fat Lady/ Independent Label Group)

· Eliane Elias - Something for You: Eliane Elias Sings and Plays Bill Evans (Blue Note)

· Dan Ferrari - Don't Let It Fall (available at CDBaby.com and other indie outlets; AtoZ)

· Jon Foreman - Fall/Winter (EPs; two CDs; lowercase people/ Credential)

· Gamma Ray - Land of the Free II (SPV)

· Marianne Keith - Beautiful Distraction (Unison)

· John Legend - Live From Philadelphia (with DVD; available exclusively at Target; G.O.O.D./Columbia) [Buy Now]

· Magnetic Fields - Distortion (Nonesuch) [Buy Now]

· Mars Arizona - Hello Cruel World (Big Barn)

· Anne Murray - Duets: Friends & Legends (Manhattan/EMI)

· Fernando Otero - Pagina de Buenos Aires (Nonesuch)

· Peech - Peech (Unison)

· Tyler Ramsey - A Long Dream About Swimming Across the Sea (Echo Mountain)

· Rings - Black Habit (Paw Tracks)

· Ringo Starr - Liverpool 8 (Capitol/EMI) [Buy Now]

· Roomful of Blues - Raisin' a Ruckus (Alligator)

· Duane Stephenson - From August Town (VP)

· The SteelDrivers - The SteelDrivers (Rounder)

· Noah Sugarman - Art of Starting of Fire (Unison)

· Matthew West - Something to Say (Sparrow)

· Winger - Winger Live (two CDs; Shrapnel)

Notable Reissues and Archival Material:

· Buju Banton - Inna Heights: 10th Anniversary Edition (with DVD; VP)

· Tommy Bolin - The Ultimate: Redux (three-CD box set; Friday)

· Billy C and the Sunshine - The Lost 70's Tapes (two CDs; Blue Label)

· Charlie Nothing - 40 Years of the Ding: A Charlie Nothing Anthology (De Stijl/ Sub Pop)

· Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen - The Early Years 1967-1970 (two CDs; Blue Label)

· Miles Davis - Beautiful Ballads & Love Songs (Columbia/Legacy)

· Eels - Meet the Eels: Essential Eels Vol. 1, 1996-2006 (CD and DVD; Dreamworks/Geffen/UMe); and Eels Useless Trinkets: B-Sides, Soundtracks, Rarities and Unreleased - 1996-2006 (two CDs and one DVD; Dreamworks/Geffen/UMe) [Buy Now]

· Aretha Franklin - Beautiful Ballads & Love Songs (Columbia/Legacy)

· Nnenna Freelon - Better Than Anything: The Quintessential Nnenna Freelon (Concord)

· Marvin Gaye - Here, My Dear (two CDs; Hip-O Select)

· Billie Holiday - Beautiful Ballads & Love Songs (Columbia/Legacy)

· Jean Michel Jarre - Oxygene (with DVD; Caroline)

· Kottonmouth Kings - Greatest Highs (two CDs; Capitol/EMI) [Buy Now]

· Mike Ladd - Nostalgialator (Definitive Jux)

· Barry Manilow - Beautiful Ballads & Love Songs (Columbia/Legacy)

· Ricky Nelson - Greatest Love Songs (Capitol/EMI)

· Olivia Newton-John - Olivia's Live Hits (Capitol/EMI)

· Nurse With Wound - Gyllenskold, Geijerstam and I at Rydberg's (Durtro Jnana)

· Kenny Rogers - A Love Song Collection (Capitol Nashville/ EMI)

· Frank Sinatra - Beautiful Ballads & Love Songs (Columbia/Legacy)

· Spice Girls - Greatest Hits (enhanced; two discs; Virgin) [Buy Now]

· Trisha Yearwood - Love Songs (MCA Nashville)

· Zucchero - All the Best (Verve)

· Various artists - Slow Jams: The Definitive Collection (Capitol)

· Various artists - Disco Not Disco: Post Punk, Electro & Leftfield Disco Classics - 1974-1986 (Strut)

· Various artists - Doo Wop Love Songs (four-CD box set; Shout! Factory)

· Various artists - Monterey Jazz Festival: 50th Anniversary All-Stars (Concord)

· Various artists - Sides of Blue: The Jazz Greats Who Played on Kind of Blue (Fantasy)

· Various artists - "The Jewish Americans" soundtrack (Rounder)

Music DVDs:

· Olivia Newton-John - "Olivia Newton-John and the Sydney Symphony: Live at the Sydney Opera House" (Capitol/EMI)

· Marilyn Manson - "Lord of Darkness: The Early Years" DVD (Candlelight)

· Paleo - "The Song Diary" (self-released)

· Winger - "Winger Live" (Shrapnel)

Digital Releases:

· Jon Foreman - Fall/Winter (EP; lowercase people/ Credential)

Coming Attractions:

January 22:

· Natasha Bedingfield - Pocketful of Sunshine (Epic)

· Cat Power - Jukebox (deluxe edition with bonus CD due same day; Matador)

· Matt Costa - Unfamiliar Faces (Brushfire)

January 29:

· Beck - Odelay - Deluxe Edition (two CDs; Geffen/UMe)

· The Mars Volta - The Bedlam in Goliath (Universal)

· Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend (XL)

February 5:

· Christina Aguilera - "Back to Basics: Live and Down Under" (two DVDs; RCA)

· Jack Johnson - Sleep Through the Static (Brushfire)

· Lenny Kravitz - It Is Time For A Revolution (Virgin)