By NEKESA MUMBI MOODY, AP Music Writer
1 hour, 24 minutes ago
But there were times when he didn't want it.
"When I was in Kenya I hated myself, I even cursed the day I was born. I hated it. I wanted to commit suicide. I went to England, when there was a car coming I would want to stop and the car to hit me," says Jal, a slight, soft-spoken man whose gentle demeanor belies his past. "I was trying to look for death."
Inspiration for a better life would come in an unusual form — the violent, crime-plagued rhymes of rappers in the United States.
"What made me brave is American hip-hop," says Jal in his heavily accented English. "Someone come and say to me, 'They have to rob for them to eat. So I would try and picture, how does America look like because I've never been there. So for me when I look at it and look at my situation — I was a child soldier, we never had food, we raid villages and we take the food and we eat ... So I said, 'OK, let me testify.'"
Jal's testimony came in the form of his own raps — and now, through his music, his is hoping to heal not only the wounds of his own people, but to promote peace while inspiring others.
"I lost my childhood, yes. My country is a war. People are dying now. What could I do with what I have?" asks Jal, who last month released his third international CD, "WARchild," and is the subject of a new documentary of the same name.
"It cause me nothing if I just go and talk about my story, but the impact that will do will be amazing, so let me sacrifice my pride. Because before I used to hide, I didn't even want to be called a Sudanese because of what I see on TV. ... But I say this country, this is me, this is my responsibility, I have survived, I'm here, let me use it."
Karim Chrobog, the director of the award-winning "War Child" film, says Jal's story shows that "you can really survive horrible horrible things and come out of them and really make a difference ... he has put all the bitter things in life aside, his sense of revenge, his sense of the war and how it's affected him personally."
The dreadlocked Jal, who doesn't know his age but believes he is in his twenties, was about seven when the Sudanese civil war, which pitted Muslims against non-Muslims, tore apart his family and led to his life as a child warrior for the Sudanese People's Liberation Army. His pregnant mother was killed, and his father, a member of the SPLA, allowed his son to be trained as a solider for the anti-Muslim faction. Bands of children were taught how to use machine guns and put on the front lines as the militia carried out attacks against government loyalists.
One of the more somber parts of the "War Child" film shows video of Jal as a young boy carrying a weapon, while another features the now-adult Jal talking to school children and solemnly acknowledging that he took part in killings as a child.
Jal and hundreds of other children were forced to fend for themselves. At one point, they were so hungry Jal admits he considered eating the flesh of a dying child comrade. After an attempted escape, he and 150 others were rescued by aid worker Emma McCune and taken to Kenya. McCune adopted Jal, but she died in a car accident a year later. Her friends helped bring Jal to London to start anew.
He managed to finish high school in England, but when he tried to extend his visa to stay for college he was rejected, and sent to Kenya.
"My life crushed, I had no hope. So that's when I started doing music. I was just doing it to encourage myself and have fun," he says.
Jal, who says he is still growing as a rapper, recalls participating in verbal battles in the Sudan before the violence, much like playing the dozens in the United States, though he says he was never any good: "(It's like) maybe telling somebody like, your sister is so skinny that she can shoot through a straw," he says, laughing.
But as he grew older and started writing lyrics, his music struck a chord not only in Kenya, where his song "Gua" (which means peace) became a hit, but internationally. He performed at 2005's Live 8 concert in Britain, was supported by Peter Gabriel, collaborated with Moby, and realized that his rhymes were not only therapeutic for himself but others as well.
The lyrics on "WARchild" are not only inspirational and spiritual, but also political. One song talks about Africa being financially raped by the outside world, while "Forced to Sin" talks about his life as a soldier.
50 CentSudanhttp://www.emmanueljal
(This version CORRECTS Corrects to Live 8 sted Live Aid; corrects to show Gabriel a supporter sted collaborator; AP Video.)
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